Tuesday, April 29, 2003 ::: flying purple people eater
the alarm sounded this morning and i did not stir. philip woke me around 7.00 and i slowly dressed for the gym. i drove to the gym, but i was so foggy i do not even remember a portion of it. i don't think my eyes even opened completely until thirty-minutes into our bicep regimen. i was grumpy. i was tired. but why? i had nine hours of sleep last night. what was the deal?
we finally finished and headed out the door. i was greeted with the sweetest smell of spring. the sky was inviting. the air was a perfect temperature. i turned to philip and smiled. i told him the smell reminded me of field day in elementary school. he agreed. i could hear the voices of children in wheelbarrow races. i could see the tug-of-war team from mrs. thompson's class winning; that was my team. i remembered the three-legged races. for a moment, it all seemed so close.
after the thoughts of childhood finished their dance in my head, i remembered that two years ago today i met the man who was standing to my left. the one with whom i share so much joy. and just to think... i WAS grumpy. not now. there is too much good in the world.
Saturday, April 26, 2003 ::: random acts of randomness
*sometimes i feel like a nut, other times i am one.
*my new optometrist proved to be a girl from college.
*i am an alcoholic.
*no, silly. not really. well...
*sometimes i feel like a nut, other times i am one.
*i done lost my mind.
*does the word do-over mean anything in adulthood?
*or how about over-do?
so, last night i was at a work function. the speaker shared that he does a google search with a person's name before meeting with them. yikes. i wonder how many clients have read my blog. hey, y'all. HEY! see how much fun i'm having?
yesterday was officially the most beautiful day of the year (to date). hands down. i drove to and from birmingham in an effort to check out potential new accounts with an existing client. i could NOT be stuck in an office on days like yesterday. i had entirely too much fun with my thoughts, my music, the scenery and the silence. i even amused myself with conservative talk radio in birmingham. it was frightening. one man called warning parents not to take their children to rest areas, because that is where homosexuals are. i wish you could hear more. or maybe not. the burt and kirk show was even WORSE.
last night philip, su, jill and i attended the fundraiser/wine tasting/silent auction for youthpride at the offices of westwayne; located in the new proscenium building. the space was amazing. bubba d. licious was our MC. she filled the room with her perfect sarcasm, as usual.
we ran into mark, anthony, jeremy and david. our gang continued to find the bar and the silent auction. david and i had a friendly bidding war over su's painting. i wanted it so badly. but, we both lost...
Monday. The weekend was spent close to home, mostly; and quite productive. The closets were organized. ALL Spring flowers were planted. A tomato garden was planted. An herb garden was planted. With the help of my father, some significant alterations to our back deck were completed. And so on...
I talked to Karen this morning. A client gave her a puppy last week. She named it Honey, which is what the grandchildren called Helen. I asked how the puppy was doing and she answered, "The puppy died." She continued to tell me what she learned this weekend. Her ex-boyfriend married three months after they split. His wife is pregnant. And so, I want to know why all of this bad is befallen her. I'm begging for some good karma, but I also learn so much from how strong she is.
Friday, April 18, 2003 ::: is this your cigarette in the sink?
it started almost thirty-one years ago. this time it started on wednesday evening. philip and i went to home depot. we purchased some of the necessary items to beautify our yard this weekend. i had an idea. "margaritas and mexican!" so we went. we ate. we drank. it was followed by a doggie birthday party complete with doggie ice cream and libations.
yesterday i drove to birmingham for a trade show. lord. that hair. those bags. those shoes. that dress. that forced smile. those people stealing my pens. alabama's gene pool scares me everytime i'm there. it just does y'all.
so i called beautifulwomen when i got home. but ironically we didn't meet in a place filled with beautiful people. it was my first (and probably last) stop at the bar i renamed: beards and bellies, commonly known as woofs. gay sports bar. what was i expecting? i did not expect it to be like the bar at the soho grand. no. but i was not prepared for all of the bitter bears. they did not like women. and they certainly did not like cute men. the four of us were fine with our pool table, our dart game, music and our beers.
the rest of the evening gets blurred, but it includes lesbians (and they weren't as pretty as our companions), country music and a big fat train wreck. so when i woke up after shots and beer this morning, i called bret. we went for a run and i think i left all of the booze on cheshire bridge in the form of sweat. and that, my friends, is how i ended up throwing a cigarette butt into my kitchen sink.
*i received my direct deposit, but it failed to include my salary increase. ugh!
*i was chased out of a restaurant by a waitress who screamed in an awful drawl, "you forgot me." i quickly told her to go check the receipt for my credit card. DUH. fucking hick!
*i received an email asking for my bank account, but promising 20% of $38,000,000.00 in return. um, ok. sure.
*my dumb ass boss dropped the ball again. surprise!
*i began training my new assistant. love her
*my office manager told me to "tell philip hey," with a big grin. she met him last week and i guess she's not stupid. i love her more
but honestly, i'm in a great mood. the shortcomings of others can either drive me crazy or just be ignored. little things bother me less and less. i'm responsible for me; and i'm doing a pretty damn good job. thanks!
hey steve, check this out. i'm stealing your girlfriend. and how about this. philip is stealing your girlfriend too.
actually, she talked about you, cliff and johnbrown all weekend. you're all rock stars in camden.
on another note, the tree cowboy is effectively removing the bradford pear from our yard. he's in the atlanta gay yellow pages, so i suggest any single atlanta men knock over a tree and call the tree cowboy. shew wee: H-O-T.
we returned from a rewarding, yet exhausting weekend. it was filled with old friends, new friends, laughter, tears, joy, sorrow and hugs. although karen housed us in a cottage at springdale's club house (which was amazing), there is nothing like climbing into your own bed. i was reminded of the incredible people i have in my life again this weekend. they are everywhere. i wish i could just gather them all in one place...
philip returned from his family vacation last night. he's all tanned and toned and sexy and hot and... i did not realize how much i missed him until i saw that cute smile. i'm too lucky.
i found an indulgence in his absence. it was ice cream and those infamous girl scout cookies (also mentioned by liz recently). instead of dinner, i had an ice cream sundae. instead of lunch i had a few girl scout cookies. pitiful. luckily the scales did not tilt even an ounce. thank god for running.
i must jam through work today. i leave in the morning for the memorial service. philip's driving up on friday to spend the weekend with karen, et. al. helen wanted a celebration and she's getting one. the more i talk to karen, the more peace i find. i realize helen's time was over. i see the more time she spent here, the more pain and suffering she would have endured. i'm just thankful i am blessed with a great last memory of her.
helen's ashes are being taken to the battery in charleston at some point. she spent her childhood there and this was her wish. i know she's watching everything and smiling. i can feel her. she's at peace.
helen passed away yesterday. it was strange. i knew exactly when it happened. i looked at the clouds part above the freeway and knew she was leaving. the phone rang with the news thirty minutes later. i was informed she passed thirty minutes earlier. i cried again, because it was real now. i was glad she will not deteriorate to the point my grandmother did with alzheimer's. i would not wish that on anyone.
helen was an amazing woman. i will always cherish her memory. she opened her heart and home to me always. she accepted me completely. i loved her like a second mother.
during the massive storm yesterday our bradford pear was hit by lightenging. half of the tree fell into the road. obviously, helen wanted the tree gone. so, philip and i decided to have the other half removed and plant a tree in memory of helen in it's place. it will be something better than a bradford pear (which won't be difficult); beautiful, strong and resilient.
at this point, i do not know the schedule for the memorial service. i spoke to karen briefly yesterday and she was overwhelmed with details. i told her i wanted to be there when she needed me. i told her i was sitting on go. i cannot imagine her pain. she lost her father the month before we became friends; now helen is gone too. it just does not seem real.
but i know helen is better now; and that is enough!
i returned to atlanta and was greeted by clouds and rain. my weekend was relaxing. i visited with everyone on my list. my cousins all have beautiful children. my grandmother is amazing and doing well. the visit was needed and enjoyed!
i was on the way to lunch with miranda and john, when i read a church's sign. it cracked me up...
lord jesus marinate us in your holy spirit. make us tender.
parker and i enjoyed time together. yesterday we did the trip in two hours less than we did with dad. IMAGINE THAT!
on a much more serious note, my phone rang on the way home yesterday. i learned that karen's mother is in the hospital. she is not expected to make it through today. i remember writing something about death circling recently. strange. karen sounded at peace, so that is a comfort to me.
hey too much foster's hey drunk friends.
hey drunk walt!!!
hey smart friends who stayed home.
hey drunk sex.
hey lube all over the headboard.
hey keg beer gas.
hey alcoholics anonymous.
hey trip to north carolina with my father and my sister.
recently, i started running again. five years ago i trained for a marathon. two weeks prior to the marathon my team did our long run. we ran the distance. after we completed the trek, my knees collapsed. i had to walk with crutches. in other words, my knees were (and are) very weak. so, i started a new training program to help build endurance. run five minutes and walk one. it seems to be working well.
as a part of my training, i also started running in the warmest part of the day. it is an attempt to condition myself for the dreadful heat of atlanta summer. a run in the spring and a run in the summer are two different animals in this town. my spring runs have been filled with beauty. the world started to come alive here. the flowers. the trees. *cough* the pollen. it was all so beautiful; and i am getting in shape. somehow, the only cardio that really works for me is running. and i cannot explain it.
in the middle of my world coming alive, i sat in my living room last night. i watched cnn, of course. it is a little addictive right now. but then it hit me. as i watched bombs fall on baghdad from the comfort of my sofa, i felt guilty. i felt twisted. i felt insensitive. i sat safely in my home and watched people be bombed, terrorized (yes, TERRORIZED) and killed. i know a war is going down, but i really question the sanity of watching it unfold on television. it is just A LOT too much for me.
my world comes alive and the world of so many others gets destroyed...