today zoomed and i am already burried. with my limited internet access blogging may be slowing in the future. this means reading blogs, writing blogs, blogging blogs. this has become such a huge outlet, but it may have to be placed on hold.
i think i'll survivie... we'll just see how time unfolds.
i went to finalize the details of my new job today. today became workday number one. my new boss is ready to put me to work, obviously. that is great with me. i am ready to begin the process myself.
leaving the technology industry and entering an industry who sells to apartment management companies is going to be a drastic change. first, the technology they use to operate their day-to-day activities is antiquated. my computer sits on a mainframe and gives me access to only our customer database and my email. no microsoft products, etc. any proposals go directly to my assistant and it is her responsibility to manage that process.
this is very strange to me. i like to control my entire proposal process. i like lots of control, actually. after this month my time in the office will be minimal. i suppose this is why i have an assistant. it's still so strange to me. i know how to type. i operate a computer quite well. may i please do this myself? am i a
product of my generation or what???????
this also means blogging will happen from home. odd. odd. odd. this will be so odd to me. don't get me wrong. i'm not complaining. i think a life-shift is exactly what i need right now. i'm just adjusting to the shifting; that's all.
i did receive some marketing responsibilities today. i am tasked with coming up with a costume theme for our upcoming trade show. the trade show's theme is the booth scooting boogie. yes, a country-western theme. any thoughts? anyone? anyone?
it's not having what you want; it's wanting what you've got
i have what i want. i also want what i got. i heard these lyrics in a sheryl crow song yesterday and they stood out. a person who approaches their entire life with this perspective really gets it, in my opinion. unfortunately, this means some days i really get it (but others i am way off).
today i get it. it is a significant day because i met philip one year ago today. i remember what he was wearing. i remember jeff introducing dale and me to he and his dogs while sitting on a picnic table in the park. i remember his shy (but adorable) smile. i remember thinking he's a hottie. i remember his voice. i remember realizing this man was going to be a fixture in my life. he has been. he is. he will be.
i do not mean to use my blog as a forum to discuss my wonderful relationship, but i must today. i never really imagined i would find so much of what i want in life in one person. nothing is missing; in fact, i got more than i ever imagined. lucky me.
who knew our incredible dinner at tierra last night was an early celebration of THE JOB OFFER? that is correct; my saturday will soon end. i go into the office on monday and hear all of the 411, but this cat is hap-hap-happy today.
it is a beautiful spring morning. the plants, the trees, the grass and the ground is still damp from the rain last night. i am sitting at the dining room table and looking into the backyard through the wall of windows that form the back of the house; i see my beautiful brittany pointing at every bird and squirrel who dares to enter her territory. not only is she ready to point, but she is also ready to attack if the intruder dares to test her.
she's been tested three times in the last five minutes. my favorite part is her reaction to the escape of her prey. she systematically circles the perimeter of the yard twice and returns to wait for the next challenger. i think i may take the little angel on a walk now.
...did i mention it is saturday?!?! (by the way, check out our new atlanta blogger: she's not dull-usional)
dinner last night was so real, but it was also surreal. cooking dinner in for philip and kelly was the ideal setting. it was so relaxed. it was interesting to see walt's past meet walt's present. the two worlds, although polar opposite, meshed quite well.
the past few days have involved sharing and remembering a huge part of my past. i was faced with guilt everytime i thought about how selfishly i entered a marriage. admitting that to kelly finally freed me a large portion of it. i think hearing her say she's just glad she gained such a great friend out of it enabled me to see the good (and let the bad fly past me).
before the gathering at philip's on sunday afternoon we ran a few errands. first, we took a trip to babies-r-us to purchase a shower gift. second, we went to macy's for a wedding gift. a conversation ensued surrounding gay culture v. straight culture; and how vastly our lives differ from the suburbanites who surrounded us. the topic of children and our parenting skills, as gay men, was broached. my conclusion from our conversation was i would not be such a great father.
i can hear my young child begging me to come watch his/her soccer game. my reply would simply be, "honey, daddy is going to the gym and then shopping. your nanny will take you." i could not change my self-indulgent ways.
last night at dinner with john, melissa, kelly (my ex-wife) and i had a great time. seeing kelly is awesome. however, it reminded me of how close i came to a life that was not for me. i am so glad we can be friends now and am so glad we both rescued ourselves from a path of destruction. not only could we ruin our own lives, but also the lives of children. shew!
this morning i second-guessed my decision on children. i heard two stories on the radio that made me realize a child may not have it so badly with me. the first was of the columbian 5 year-old that flew into the US unaccompanied with two suitcases of heroin. the second was of the young boy whose father cut off his thumb and ate it when he was on PCP because he wanted to mix their DNA. i would never do anything like that. does that mean i could be a good father? maybe. does it mean i am interested? no! i have a dog.
i realize how fortunate i am. other times i do not. today i could not be more thankful for my boyfriend, my friends, my family and all of the good things mama-karma is sending my way. it comes at different times and i realize the key is to hold on to the good and let the bad fly right past you.
it is so easy to look at the bad things in your life and forget the good things that never leave you. honestly, i spent too many years not acknowledging the good and dwelling on the bad. on this cool, cloudy morning, i am cannot even see the bad.
Friday, April 19, 2002 ::: reporting live from the never ending saturday
THIS SATURDAY JUST WON'T STOP; but it is busy around walt's never-ending-saturday (i know, i know it is ephemeral)! there is reading. there are drinks. there is mucho-waltie-time. there is lots of fun to be created. there are many entertaining situations to be birthed right out of this, the longest saturday in history.
tonight is slotted to be on the calmer end of the spectrum, but we know how that works. spades with trailer (sorry, taylor!), jeff and philip may very well turn into an empty case of wine and stumbling on a dance floor. who knows? who needs an agenda? who needs the work week?
actually, i will be ready to go back to work in a few weeks. however, i am enjoying myself to the fullest on this S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y!
i think everyone has a vision of the world that is completely unique to their perspective. my eyes translate all of the data into these bright, colorful, unrealistic pictures. the people who grace my vision are always so unique in every single way. i do not select people of any other character. i become bored too easily with normalcy. the more interesting and twisted, THE BETTER!
in a conversation with my ex-wife today i learned she finally told my ex-mother-in-law the real reason for our divorce. she was not surprised. her reaction was, "well kelly, you have always loved gay men."
barbara could easily be a character in steel magnolias or terms of endearment. she has a fire you must see for yourself. she has passions that keep the fire burning.
her hobby is gardening. she continually sells homes and buys newer (new only to her) homes with larger, more grande gardens. the newest garden includes her potting barn, a lovely terrace and her personal golf cart to make her way from bed to bed. she's insanely fabulous. she lives her life for her and no one else. i admire it so much. i admire her more.
i took an achievement test today and it reminded me of being in the cafeteria at the end of the school year. i remember taking thoses tests that deterined who would be your teacher the following year. i typically did well on them, but often questioned every answer i bubbled.
i am competing against one other candidate for this position. there were 70 candidates in the beginning of the process, so i guess i should feel honored to be in this position. i don't. i want to win. winning is the only option here.
i'm going to say more prayers this afternoon. a lot more!
life comes in strange waves. it reminds me of offshore fishing with my father when i was a child. one day you head out to sea and the ocean looks like a lake. the very next day you are amidst tiny rolls in the ocean. the third day is spent in four-foot swells and pouring rain. there are always fish to catch. the boat is equipped to handle all three days, but the sunny, smooth day is my personal favorite. (amy knows what it is like to be with my father on a rough day!)
today is one of the sunny, smooth days of life. although i already have a job offer, i was called back to take an aptitude test for an incredible opportunity. it does not offer glamour, but it does offer what buys glamour: MONEY. i go tomorrow morning. the test will take approximately three hours. this week and tests seem to go hand-in-hand. what other tests will life be throwing my way?!
i also learned i will be ringing in my 3-0 in amsterdam. the rest of the trip has not been pulled together, but the flight into holland is set. can we say F-U-N?! yes: HASH BROWNIES!
being in-between positions has both an upside and a downside. the upside is sleeping late, a complete carefree approach to life and the sheer fact everyday is a saturday. the downside is sleeping late, a complete carefree approach to life and the sheer fact everyday is a saturday. not so suprisingly, i prefer the upside.
philip is sick, so we did not set the alarm last night. waking at 8.20 felt really slack and strange. i came home (the entire two blocks) and began my task list for the day. i must feel productive. i must have a purpose. of course, my first task is email. my second task is blogging. i cannot change that routine.
my third task is the gym. my fourth task is bills. my fifth task is studying for the exam i have on thursday afternoon. i have several others, but i won't bore you. this is my day and the weather is perfect! did i mention the upside? the upside: a break, it does my body, mind and soul good.
friday night started with dinner and ended early. i was in bed by 9.30. saturday gave rain and an excuse to stay home. i watched movies the entire day and evening. sunday invited the sun to shine in the afternoon. i welcomed my beau home from vacation.
my weekend was perfect. i cannot remember the last time i relaxed and rested so much.
birthday, birthday and birthday. april 11 and 12 are significant dates of birth for a few of my friends.
spent last evening with bret for his 36th. i must report the celebration was oodles of entertainment. the majority of the evening was with just the two of us doing what we do well: creating and embracing fun. we met a new friend who was visiting from london, caroline (packaged as pure joy), and her cohorts at red chair. we rolled into masquerade for 80s night with our respective clans and were engulfed by music and dancing making the night even better! surrounded by mostly straight, funky college kids, we rocked into the weeeeee hours.
today, well, today arrived a bit early for 'licious. this rain may require an evening in bed with a movie, a bong and a pizza. i wish philip were back from his family vacation. rainy nights in bed are so necessary!
what a short, interesting trip this has been!? today a mind's eye celebrates one year of sharing meager thoughts, elaborate experiences and opinions with all who decide to visit. the impact of writing about nothing to writing about significant events on my life is noteworthy. i learn from bloggers on a daily basis. i meet interesting people through blogging. the entire experience delivers proof the rest of the world is equally as unusual as i.
a soul sistah of mine introduced me to his blog at a point in my life when i needed a growth catalyst; undoubtedly i will continue to benefit from sharing my whacked-outedness.
i am still enjoying the most wonderful afternoon/evening with my dear friend melissa. we shopped for birthday gifts and cards. we had a margarita. we enjoyed a few beers. she's on the phone with her significant other, so i came to take care of a few things on the net.
it is so nice to spend time with such a wonderful friend and see her so happy. i love it.
Tuesday, April 09, 2002 ::: email forwarding policy
thank you so much for the warning today. until your email arrived i pondered how to combat needles in payphones. from the appearance of the distribution lists prior to the one my email address calls home, the whole world knows! this is such a huge relief.
however, i thought you should know there is a site where you can double-check (by double-clicking) things before including my personal email address on these obnoxious mass forwards. keyword searches enable you to verify the validity of any future warnings. for using it, i thank you in advance.
now, let me delete the twenty-five other emails with this same warning.
so, the trip with cliff and steve to the braves game was TOO MUCH FUN. we ate french fries and hot dogs. we drank a lot of beer. we went to blake's. we went to john's front porch and tried to terrorize him, but to no avail. we went back to cliff and steve's for pizza and more beer. philip and i went home and each ate a candy bar and an entire pint of ben and jerry's.
i woke up this morning and had knocked my bowl off of the bedside table. it was shattered on the floor. we were so drunk the crash did not even make us stir. can we say ab fab living?
Thursday, April 04, 2002 ::: what do you say when you have nothing to say?
i can never always find something to say. it may be completely irrelevant or irreverent, but conversation is my co-pilot. i can talk about fashion. i can talk about coifs. i can talk about my plans to attend the braves game tonight. i can talk about mark's interesting post today. i can talk about certainpeople and their obsessions with p-town. but i won't do that. nope, no sir! today, i am going to be quiet.
eating pretzels and a sandwich in my cube offered huge entertainment value today. my cube-neighbor was on hold to speak with his shrink. i know this because she was on speaker phone. when she finally picked up the line my neighbor said, "liz, i don't have enough medication to last until the 16th. the pills you gave me will be out by next week. what am i supposed to do?" what do you think happened? that is right: she's going to call a prescription to the pharmacy!
i do not typically make it a habit to share my medications and ailments with colleagues. when i pumped my body with anti-depressants, only my closest 1,000 friends knew; not my co-workers!
it is 7.30 on tuesday morning and the weather is already gorgeous. i love spring in this city. i love the fact i will not be starting my new job for six weeks. i sit in classes for six days of that time, but the rest of the time is mine, mine, mine! fun in the sun. fun with my roommate who is in-between jobs. day play with my beau.
did i mention i love spring? i absolutely love spring!
well, my weekend was a lot of this and some of that and some more of this and some more of that. get the picture? dancing. dancing. sleeping. shopping. we had an outing with the divas to 7 stages for dragapella's performance, which was absolutely hilarious. philip and i were selected out of the crowd as "the lovebirds who did not need to buy two seats." nice!
after dinner we went home and decided to forfeit an early bedtime and church to go watch some crazy friends put on their easter bonnets for late night/early morning dancing. we were home with sunrise and in bed until noon. the remainder of the weekend was spent domestically.