what happens when philip, dale, laura, myself and a bunch of other cute dykes get together for lezbo lounge? T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
philip and i departed prior to the girls. we decided it was time for smelly men. first was eagle and then the heretic. we did not even dance at the eagle. the crowd was too frightening. we did, however, decide to be two of four people on the heretic's dance floor.
when you can have fun in situations like this... what else do you need?
Thursday, March 28, 2002 ::: the worst of all worlds
my brother and his roommate from the citadel have slowly become more and more accepting of my sexuality. they are constantly sending me "humorous emails". the latest was an email in which they informed me of finding my match. the match is supposed to be the best of both worlds. whatcha think?
some days i wish i was seven again. today is thursday, which means tomorrow is friday. consequently, my bestfriend vic will be spending the night. we will watch dukes of hazard and eat caramel pop corn! we will build a huge fort in the gameroom with sleeping bags and blankets. on saturday morning we will watch cartoons from about eight until nine. we'll quickly put on our skating gear and dash to go roller skating for the remainder of the morning. disco balls. jukeboxes. hot dogs. backwards skate. they all will be waiting for me.
but then there is sunday. i will have to go to church and wiggle in that uncomfortable seat, while wearing the most uncomfortable suit known to boy. um, well, ok. i am glad i am twenty-nine.
you put your effort in. you put your effort out. you put your effort in and you shake it all about. you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. that's what it's all about.
you put your mind in. you put your mind out. you put your mind in and you shake it all about. you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. that's what it's all about.
you put your soul in. you put your soul out. you put your soul in and you shake it all about. you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. that's what it's all
you put your heart in. you put your heart out. you put your heart in and you shake it all about. you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. that's what it's all about.
i really do not know where i was going with this whole thing, but it sure as hell was fun. i guess i was doing the hokey pokey of life. life is all about putting something in, putting/getting something out, putting a little more in and shaking it all about. wait, is that life or backstreet? whatever, i promise i am sober.
right now i am floating in the ocean. the sun is beating on my chest. i am enjoying a cocktail and some healthy little snack. we are about ten minutes from an excellent snorkeling spot. the water is crystal clear. my beau and i are both nude. we do not have anywhere to be. no one else is with us. it is perfect.
thoughts like this keep me from exploding on days like today. it is really one of those days where i should be in a horrible mood. days like this make me want to conquer the situation. the great thing is, i can conquer situations in many different ways.
ok, now i am back on my boat with philip. we'll catch up later.
i arrived in the office this morning from the dentist and had an email from my elementary school girlfriend. we went to church together. we graduated from high school together. we went to the same college. she dated a fraternity brother of mine who lived next door to me in our house/hall. mandi is a dear, treasured friend who obviously remembers walt well... (she completed the 411 in the following survey):
1. My name: Walt
2. Where did we meet?: dare I say Kelleytown Baptist Church?
3. Take a stab at my middle name: Clifton
4. How long have you known me?: too many years to say...since fourth grade, maybe?
5. How well do you know me?: entirely too well
6. Do I smoke?:it depends on which stage of your life you're in right now, but my guess is yes, anything that will light up
7. Do I drink adult beverages?: every chance you get
8. Do I believe in God?: again that depends on which self you are right now, but deep down inside I think maybe you do, or at least in a higher power
If so, in which church would you be most likely to see me? definitely not Southern Baptist
9. When you first saw me what was your impression?: good lord who knows...didn't you have sling hair then...I probably just compared you to Duran Duran or something!
10. My age?: you're pushing 30 buddy...we're getting old
11. Birthday?: yes, I know it's July...I just can't remember the exact date but it's in my calendar...15th?
12. Color hair?: brown
13. Color eyes?: brown
14. Do I have any siblings?: two
If so, do you know the names?: Matt and Parker
15. (if opposite sex) Have you ever had a crush on me?: yes and you pretended to have one on me though it was probably really on one of the Burns twins when we all first met at church...at least I got a giant Hershey's kiss and a pair of earrings out of the deal
16. What's one of my favorite things to do?: it used to be dance solo in front your mirror on the hall
17. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?: lord no
18. What's my favorite type of music?: groovy, funky hippy shit unless you are in a club stage in which case it's probably some annoying techno crap
19. What is the best feature about me?: we stay friends no matter what
20. Am I shy or outgoing?: outgoing on the surface to compensate for your shyness and insecurities inside
21. Would you say I am funny?: yes
22. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?: you want to think you are a rebel, and I suppose you are at times
23. Any special talents?: you have the gift of conversation and making people feel loved
24. Would you consider me a friend?: most definitely
25. Would you call me preppy, slutty, a homie, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else?: all of the above until you reinvent yourself (by the way, you know I'm only teasing you about that like I've always done, right?)
26. Have you ever seen me cry?: too many times to count (...never talk to Mandi...)
27. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?: you already have mine...Bud
28. What do I love?: your friends, your dog, having fun and hanging out
29. What's my favorite color?: no idea
30. Am I Democrat, Republican or something else?: not a republican
31. Do I curse like a sailor or talk like a preacher?: just call yourself Popeye
32. Am I likely to do something unusual to get a laugh? If so, any examples.: probably so, especially if under the influence of foreign substances
my weekend in highlands was just what the doctor ordered. i feel revived, refreshed, rejived, renewed and redone! going to the mountains is always such a release for me. it feels so wonderful to be so far removed from the clatter of every other day. i am completely transported to another state of operation. somehow, i brought some of it home with me. somehow, i must get my own place in the mountains so i can continually bring it home with me.
friday night we cooked dinner at home and were in bed by 11.30. philip and i woke early on saturday and began putzing around the house. we ate breakfast, we built a fire and we all sat around to read for a while. i never make time like this for myself at home on saturday. i think it is something i must do. it made my day so nice. en route to our picnic we stopped in a furniture store. we had three lap dogs (all dressed in cute coats). taylor was the only one not carrying a dog. we were apparantly, from the looks the owner shot, the four must-be-queers. we exited and met our two additional lunch companions for a picnic table hunt.
we found the tables. we set up camp. we settled in for an afternoon filled with stories, wine, food, stories, wine, stories and more stories. it was a great afternoon. so great we continued with drinks at the library and then a tour of an old gentleman's home/gardens. the gardens were gorgeous. the home smelled like my grandmother's attic. the gentleman's teeth looked like, well, we do not share the same dentist...
saturday night we ignored our dinner reservations and played cards/cooked at home. it was a perfect last night. we were in bed at the same time as friday, up early on sunday and back home for a wonderful day. my weekend was perfect thanks to a nice mix of friends, mountains, food, wine and PHILIP.
...is a new color scheme next week. i hear the complaints about the brightness. i was just trying to celebrate spring, easter and life in the midst of this foul mood which called my body home all week. the foul mood seems to be rising, so i think the colors worked for me. today is too busy to make changes, but i will. i promise. wear your sunglasses until the time comes and the next look will be less harsh.
i have the tendancy to tell stories from my past to people i enjoy. it is my way of saying, "i think you are worthy." i sometimes forget people do not always want to hear stories about me playing with kelly nurenbrock or about vic stafford and my favorite song. i just assume that everyone would enjoy a stroll down memory lane with me. imagine, my life is very colorful now; aren't you interested in what made it this colorful? what made walt become waltalicious?
one of my favorite television shows is, drum roll please, golden girls. most gay men can relate to characteristics of one or all of the ladies. my roommate is blanche. i love her for it everyday. my boyfriend has illustrated, through my behaviors, i am rose.
he has this, umph, cute little thing he's started doing when i begin my retrospective banter. he always ask me, "...back in st. olaf?" when he says it i know i am babbling again. my babble probably sounds a lot like this blog. however, you are reading it. maybe there is some interest in my stories from a marvelous childhood in st. olaf. would you care to hear them?
spring. sprang. sprung. it is here. my second favorite time of year. the clouds seem to be clearing and making way for the glorious sun. the leaves will soon pop. the flowers will soon bud. people will soon live long past the hours of winter. the days will lengthen and my mood will strengthen.
i am heading to the mountains for the weekend with philip, jeff and taylor. i cannot wait to kick the first spring weekend into gear. i think beer and drinks will be in order. i also think some smokie-smoke will be apropos. now, is it four o'clock on friday yet? why not?! i am ready to relax.
today was the birthday of my horse. he is in animal heaven now, but i have so many fond memories of buck (or do it to it, as was his show name). he was so cool. he was my childhood bestfriend. he was the element who kept me from getting homesick at camp. he was the one who received all of my after-school-frustrations. basically, he was the deal.
at horse shows, buck always helped me win blue ribbons. on trail rides, he made sure to throw me over spooky jumps. when crossing water, buck left me in the woods soaking wet. in the ring or on the trail; crazy or sweet, i loved the hell out of my horse. he made my unhappy childhood much better. when i was with him i had the self-confidence that existed nowhere else in my life. i always knew he loved me and he always knew i loved him.
one of my most fond memories of my horse was a hide-n-seek game we played in the spring. i remember almost exploding at school waiting for the final bell to ring. i rushed to my mother's car and we darted directly to the barn. i always groomed buck perfectly before riding. after my riding lesson it was time to play my favorite game. usually there were around twenty of us. one person would stay at the barn for ten minutes, while the others would gallop into the woods and hide. the person at the barn was tasked with finding everyone. within fifteen minutes five people were galloping over fences and through trails looking for the hidden riders. at the end of the game, one person was hiding and everyone else was galloping to find them.
buck was a champ at this game. he loved to race. he loved to jump. he loved to make me win! happy birthday, buck. you rock!!!!!!
i am a very happy person who happens to hate their job right now. there are so many things i do not like. i do not like the negative attitude of my co-workers. i do not like the fact that smiling is an unusual thing to see in my office. i do not like the fact that three of my team members who were in the top 5% of the country last year are being threatened with being "restructured."
it is time for me to leave the technology industry and my first interview in the process is on friday morning. an industry that promises much and delivers little is not home for me. an industry that treats people like a number is not home for me. an industry that is literally struggling everyday to stay alive is not home for me.
ironically my week commenced with our team meeting, which was immediately followed by the meeting scheduled for four o'clock on friday. it is after eleven and i have another meeting at 11.30. how in the hell can i get anything accomplished?
by the way, my weekend rocked. friday night philip and i danced until very late. saturday we recovered. saturday night we cooked dinner. yesterday was a celebration of st. patrick's day. it included a lovely brunch at la tavola with the divas where we consumed some wine and above average food while sitting in weather that felt like an early summer day. brunch was followed by many drinks at a few st. pat's parties.
i need to check emails before my next meeting. (laughing on the inside and the outside).
when i began my career i was always offended by being excluded from meetings. mere exclusion instantly lowered my self-worth. i wanted to be a member of the secret society of meetings. i wanted to be in the know!
now i realize how great meetings are. really, they are. especially the ones on friday afternoon at four o'clock. that is the precise time at which i will always schedule a necessary internal meeting. i am so excited, i wish it would start right now. i wish i could schedule a follow-up meeting for saturday morning at six o'clock. that will give me time to prepare for a meeting at ten o'clock on sunday night too. this all makes so much sense.
actually, some meetings do have value. other meetings are a complete waste of everyone's time. the preparation for some meetings is where all of the value rests. that is the case for my four o'clock meeting. i have received my value. may my weekend commence now please?
wait, i still have to engage these long-winded gents in conversation. calgon, anyone?!
friday's are absolutely the TOPS. they are the weed-b-gone of life's lawn. it is a gate into a beautiful grassy meadow where we are free to run, recover, roam, rest or roar. this weekend i plan to do a little of it all.
tonight i plan to do a little running. dinner with taylor, jeff and philip will be the perfect kick-off to a much desired weekend. we will mix good food, great wine and wacked conversation; no one will complain. tomorrow i plan to rest and roam. the rain will place my beau and me in bed for a portion of the day with a lifetime movie and engaging conversation. for this, I LOVE RAINY DAYS.
sunday i plan to do something i have not done in too long. philip and i are going to church. yes, church. it will be followed by brunch and booze. I LOVE SUNDAY's.
i received a call last evening from a very close friend/fraternity brother from school. he, like myself, was one of the boys who happened to be gay in our fraternity. he moved to winston-salem, north carolina after finishing school. since graduation, he stayed in winston. his family lives nearby. he is quite settled. for some reason i pictured him sitting home alone every weekend and having a very quiet life. it concerned me.
last night he called with a laundry list of confessions. i am no longer worried about the excitement in his life. i am no longer worried about his social outlets. i am actually still laughing at the stories he shared; and i am quite relieved to know my dear friend is LIVING. i just do not understand why he would hide these things from ME (like i would be one to judge)??!!
i look around my office and see very few smiling faces. i look around my office and i see very few people having fun. i look around my office and i see people busting their asses to keep their heads above water. three people in my group were promoted to our team in january. these three people were in 'president's club' last year, which means they were in the top 5% of the country. these three people are all on the verge of losing their jobs in another layoff/whatever.
i just overheard one of the managers (not mine) talking about it to HR. it is so fucked. are my efforts as futile as these three people?
when my alarm sounded this morning it was completely dark outside and the sound of the steadily falling rain was enough to make me almost stay in bed. i fought the urge and decided to make the trek to my gym. en route i decided my gym is too far from home. when i was working out i decided the people in my gym are not interesting. the equipment in my gym is old. the music is stale. it is not how i want to start my day any longer.
i have canceled said gym membership and am joining a GAY GYM today. on the link it is called mid-city(sissy) aerobics and fitness, however they are newly named: X-TREME BODY WORKS. it is time for me to have a two-minute drive to my gym. it is time for me to have good equipment. it is time for me to kiss lee haney good-bye!
i hate monday. i hate monday more when i had such a nice weekend. friday night we cooked dinner for friends and played cards. saturday was productive. i worked out. we went shopping. we celebrated with dale at her 30th birthday party. it was a wonderful party. the crowd was fun. the music was great. dale looked like a ROCKSTAR-AGAIN! philip and i helped evacuate the house and transport the birthday girl to her next location. here is a picture of melissa and me from the EVENT!
sunday morning rocked. we stayed in bed to snuggle and watch television until noon. something we rarely do, but i LOVE.
well, after waking at four o'clock this morning and not going back to sleep, the day seems extremely long. i was completely alert, awake and annoyed. i left for the gym a few minutes after five o'clock. the doors opened as i parked.
work today was an all-day client seminar. i completely bonded with co-workers. we formed our own company. it is un-(insert your company name here).
what i ultimately decided is: MY LIFE IS SET TO MUSIC; IT IS THE SOUNDTRACK THAT I LIKE!
i was listening to my cd from mamma mia! on the way into the office this morning. the show really is one of the best i have seen in a long time. i mean, LIKE, even better than cats. (insert laughter here) the music was something to which i related. the cast worked so well with one another. the costumes were fun. the choreography was engaging. i want to see it again.
my favorite memory of the performance is selfish. it involves one of the sweetest things philip ever said to me. the weekend was filled with things like that.
our weekend in nyc was too much fun. we shopped. we ate. we had drinks. we danced. we saw mamma mia!. we also saw bea arthur's just between friends. it was a wonderful celebration of her career and her life.
the only hitch in the weekend was the food poisoning. philip and i had awful food at the viceroy on sunday evening before bedding down. we were deathly ill the entire flight home and climbed into bed the second we walked into his house. we could not even lift our heads.
every event of the weekend was a complete blog in itself. i just do not have ample time to play and write today. i must catch up at work. i'm sure more stories will come out over the week. they always do.